If you know me, you already know how close I am to my mother. She’s my best friend and has always been a mentor and that guiding light for me when considering what decisions to make in my life. I admire her and respect her advice. To this day I find myself quoting her to my own kids.
HOWEVER, there was one thing she always used to say to me that I absolutely HATED.
“Mendara don’t do that, its not very lady like.”
There is no independent growing young person who wants to be told what do, and especially what NOT to do. I always had the same reply;
“I DON’T WANT TO BE A LADY!”
In a rebellious snarky yell, of course. Usually followed by storming off and the occasional door slam.
More than two decades later, I still don’t want to “be a lady,” but now I can articulate why, without the dramatic door slam.
I don’t want to be a lady if it means changing who I am
I don’t want to be a lady if it means doing something I am not comfortable with
I don’t want to be a lady if it means only following someone else’s rules
I don’t want to be a lady if it means I will always be judged on my actions
I don’t want to be a lady if it means holding back on my potential
I don’t want to be a lady if it means staying quiet
I don’t want to be a lady if it means staying small
I don’t want to be a lady if it means I can’t wear the clothes that I love
I don’t want to be a lady if it means I have a different set of rules
I don’t want to be a lady if it means I need to fit in some box
I am happy to report that I didn’t grow up to be that lady, and my mom couldn’t be prouder. Instead, I am exactly the woman I want to be. The world has evolved in so many ways, including my mothers opinion and societies perspective on what it really means to be a woman, and its none of those things. You wouldn’t catch her saying anything like that now, in fact she’s no longer “lady like” either. My own daughter, she may be lucky enough to never hear such a term. She certainly won’t hear it from me.
There is still so much improvement required in this world for equality, there is no denying that.
And we as individuals may feel powerless to solve such a huge issue, but we are not. The little moves we each make in our lives to empower the women around us, our mothers, daughters, partners, friends, colleagues….those moves add up. Massive change doesn’t happen in one massive swoop, it happens when we consistently make small steps over time in the same direction.
I’ve seen change in my lifetime already, and I will always be making those steps towards empowerment and equality for women each day. I hope you all do too.
Happy International Women’s Day.
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