I just finished a mentor coaching session where my supervising coach used the term self empathy. It was in a moment where I was clearly connecting with the emotional impact behind our discussion. I love these sessions because not only do I get to sit on the other side and be coached, I also get the opportunity to dive back into the session afterwards and break down the learning points and effectiveness of the tools and coaching style. This particular moment felt big enough that I wanted to share it.
Reflecting on her words, “Self Empathy,” they really resonated with me. I love this term and had not used it before. It immediately sparked this connection in my mind that I have always felt was missing from self care conversations, but never had such a simple way to describe it.
Social media is filled with posts mentioning the concepts of self care or self compassion, but most often they are misused or misunderstood.
Self care often gets warped into an excuse for over indulgence.
Self compassion can easily become self righteousness, a pity party or a resemble entitlement.
None of these connect back to the real purpose of self compassion or self care and do far more harm than good.
The words self empathy hit the mark by linking to the deeper meaning of the inner work involved at the root of self compassion and self care.
Expressing empathy for ourselves allows us to feel the real emotions behind what we are going through without self judgement.
Self empathy is a path to let go of all the ways you may have been hard on yourself. Or to accept what was and what is real in your life. To recognize limitations and struggles and validate them along with your emotions. To forgive the actions you’re not proud of and not let them define you. To not give up on your goals and never count yourself out.
It can be a tool for turning off that little voice in your head that will spiral you into self doubt, criticizing, self sabotage or even just talking yourself out of things that you know you should be doing.
It’s a view of yourself through a lens of kindness and compassion. Allowing you to let go of all the times you felt like you’ve failed or were not good enough. Giving yourself the same empathy you would give a child or someone you care deeply for.
Feeling proud of yourself, recognizing the work you’ve put in and the road that you took to get here.
When you can express empathy towards yourself as a regular practice, then you can better see what it is that you really need.
This is where the magic happens, because when you come from a mindset of compassion and empathy you break down that wall of judgment and you can see yourself more clearly. The reality of what your true struggles and limitations are vs the ones you’ve imagined for yourself. You can see what it is you really need, and the actions that will provide it. When you take care of yourself in this way, you can create goals that will truly bring you fulfilment and take steps towards them.
From here, self care then becomes any practice that allows us to be in alignment with the highest vision we have for ourselves. Practices that enable us to be a person who is well cared for. Someone whose needs are met for their mind, body and heart. Someone who prioritizes those needs first.
Using that lens of empathy on yourself, can you picture what it is that you need most right now?
Feel free to share your thoughts with me.
